It’s perfectly normal to feel blue when certain events and chapters of your life come to an end. Whether it is people coming into and moving out of your life, or events you have long prepared for come to an end, there is going to be a period of time when you feel let down and you ask yourself “what now?” This feeling is especially common at the end of a pageant and when a queen passes on her title to a new person.
The first thing you need to realize is that the feeling of loss is a natural part of the healing and growth process. Don’t try to skip it or devalue it. It’s important for you to take your time and fully go through it. Recognize the emptiness you are feeling and embrace it for a short time. Take the time to reflect on your memories so you feel like you have had closure. Look at photos, hold trinkets, and read old letters. Do whatever it is you are feeling led to do. Here are a couple questions to think about while you are in this reflective period of time:
- What was it about the experience that I enjoyed most?
- Whose life did I make a difference in the most?
- What did you like the least about this experience?
- How could you have made more of the situation?
- Where would I spend less of my time and energy on if I could do it again?
- Where would I spend more of my time?
- How can I take what I have learned and continue with it?
Using my own personal life as an example, when I felt the pageant “blues”, they usually lasted from one day to a week depending on the level of the pageant I was competing in and how long my preparation time was leading up to it. Certain situations that happened at the pageant would also affect the intensity of my feelings. Controversy and conflict always took more time for me to process than a well run system. That’s why I said up to a week. During this time, I was in complete low maintenance mode- no hair styling, no makeup, no high heels, no working out and I ate everything I wanted.
I just needed that “me” time to decompress and feel bad. Yes, you heard me right. I gave myself permission to feel bad; and if you need someone else’s permission, I give you my permission to feel bad, too. It’s alright to feel sad.
The key is not to stay stuck in the dark. Just like a beautiful garden flower must die in order to produce multiple seeds for new flowers, the beautiful moments of our life must also come to an end so that the “seeds” can be planted and new opportunities present themselves. You won’t know at the time which seeds will grow and which ones will remain dormant. Just believe that every seed serves its purpose and at its perfect time.
You must keep moving forward. Take time to reflect, and then take action. This week, we had to have our dog who was 16 ½ years old put to sleep. I lost my dad to cancer 6 months ago and my dog in the same way - with me holding on to both of them at the end. It has been a week of sadness and reflection; but now it is time to move on. In my life I have learned that the end is never the end. Instead, endings are gateways to new beginnings which are filled with hope, opportunities and promise. I’m sending my deepest blessings to you today and always.
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Rhonda Shappert is an expert pageant coach, an iPEC Certified Professional Coach, an Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner, and an Associate Certified Coach (ACC) with the International Coach Federation (ICF).
She created Winning Through Pageantry® to partner with pageant contestants and their support people to provide complete pageant preparation, achieve winning results in life through pageantry, and to Succeed From The Inside Out®.
She has over 30 years experience in the pageantry world as a contestant, judge, emcee, staff member, mother of daughters who compete, Mrs. Ohio America 2005, and has held multiple titles at the local, state and national levels.
Rhonda graduated Cum Laude with a Bachelors degree in Musical Theater from The Ohio State University and has performed on stage in 15 countries on the Asian, European and American continents. This mother of three home educates their children and has been married 22 years to her husband Stephen, is the former mayor of her community, and serves on the Board of Trustees for the Ohio Virtual Academy. She and her husband perform original contemporary Christian music. For more information on Rhonda, visit www.WinningThroughPageantry.com .
