I hear time and time again from my clients that interview is one area that creates a tremendous amount of stress.  The first area of stress is the dreaded anticipation of what the judges will ask during interview.  Second point of stress: “how should I answer”.   In this week’s article I deal with the most common question you will have in an interview and some tips on how to make the answer memorable.

The pageant interview is where you get to shine and share your personality. It’s really your opportunity to emotionally connect with the judges face to face. If you go into the interview room with the mindset, I’m going to make new friends and share with the judges what makes me ME, that thought alone will help to calm those jitters.

The other thing you can do, months before the pageant, is practice answering questions about everything and anything. There are fundamental interview questions that everyone needs to know how to answer. Because the power of the interview is in both what you say and how you say it, you need to allow enough time to practice answering questions out loud. Yes, not in your head, but out loud.

You don’t ever want your answers to sound memorized or fake; but, unfortunately, when contestants aren’t use to answering questions out loud, that’s how it may come across. It takes skill to be able to speak in a way that sounds effortless and natural. Trust me, as an actress and former elected politician, it takes practice. Some people may pick it up quicker than others; but, you can find your own voice and method of articulating exactly what you mean to say. How many times have you said something only to realize that words you used didn’t convey what you meant to say. It happens to everyone.

People make their first impressions within the first few seconds of meeting you so you want to be very selective about the information you choose to share. For example, to break the ice, most judges will start the interview with some version of the “tell me about yourself” question. Your first response may be something like this: “My name is Rhonda Shappert. I’m 43 years old and live in Ohio with my husband and three daughters. I’m a personal development coach and enjoy traveling.”

Ok, that answers the question, but it’s not very memorable. Instead, a different choice could be “Well, one of my favorite things to do is sing four part harmony with my husband and three daughters. We perform across the state of Ohio, enjoy eating Graeter’s ice cream and playing the board game Scattergories together.” Isn’t this answer more picturesque and interesting? Remember, you only have a couple minutes to make a lasting impression on the judges and your interview is only 2-5 minutes in length.

Every word that comes from your mouth needs to count. As an experienced judge, I have heard some pretty amazing answers come from people, good and bad. A few people approach answering interview questions from the point of what the contestant thinks will impress the judges.  A skilled judge will see right through that. And  memorizing other contestants answers is not going to cut it either. The reason that person’s answer was so amazing is because it came from a place of conviction from within the person delivering the statement. 

To help you prepare for an interview that will put you on top, request my FREE interview tool which has the beginning 10 questions everyone must be able to nail during their interview.

Because the power of the interview is in both what you say and how you say it, as an added bonus, for a limited time,

I’m offering to everyone who requests my interview tool a free 15 minute phone call where you can share your answer with me and we’ll work on your interview skills.

I promise you, this brief free consultation will leave you feeling more confident about your speaking ability and add points to your score.

 

Have you ever been asked a question during a pageant interview that completely stumped you? Type it in the comment box and I’ll give you my take on an answer.

I look forward to hearing from you.

 

About Rhonda

Rhonda Shappert is a pageant expert, personal development life coach, and owner of Winning Through Pageantry™, a business she created that not only helps her clients achieve winning results in pageants, but helps them Succeed From The Inside Out™ in their lives. In the pageant world she has held multiple local, state and national titles. Rhonda graduated Cum Laude with a Bachelors degree in Musical Theater from The Ohio State University and has performed on stage in 15 countries on the Asian, European and American continents. This mother of three who has been married 20 years to her husband Stephen, home educates their children, is the former mayor of her community, and is on the Board of Trustees for the Ohio Virtual Academy. She and her husband perform original contemporary Christian music. Their music CD entitled Cana is available through www.cdbaby.com/cd/shappert or on her website. For more information on Rhonda, visit www.WinningThroughPageantry.com.

National Family Day
A Day to Eat Dinner with Your Children

Monday, September 28, 2009

Need an excuse to gather the family around the dinner table?  Read about this holiday and how everyone can benefit from it. 

Become a Family Day STAR!!

S - Spend time with my kids by having dinner together
T - Talk to them about their friends, interests and the dangers of drugs and alcohol
A - Answ er their questions and listen to what they say
R - Recognize that I have the power to help keep my kids substance free!

 

No matter how many different directions we are headed during the day, it’s important to have daily time with our family to reconnect and relax with each other.

Three envelopes addressed to each of my three daughters arrived in the mail today.  The results from the audition had arrived.  Two are thick and one is thin. I handed the envelopes to each child in a very normal, matter of fact way, and waited…I put on my pageant coach’s hat and said these three words in my head…

VALIDATE, CELEBRATE and DETACH.

When my three daughters started competing in pageants, I needed to come up with a way to help them handle the emotional rollercoaster ride that awaited them.

 

It’s painful to handle my own personal disappointments in life; but, it’s excruciating when it happens to one of my kids.  You see, at least when the disappointment happens to me, I know the choice is mine as to what kind of feelings and how long I am going to entertain them in my mind. Oh, but as a mother, my first impulse is to rush right in there and protect my babies from any perceived harm either physical or emotional.  We assume that the person receiving the “thin” letter is going to be inconsolable and need comforting. Lesson one: Make no assumptions.

 

Thankfully, just because that was my first instinct doesn’t mean that’s how I reacted.  Learning to handle disappointment and keeping your eyes set on the big picture are necessary life skills that we all must master.

 

I’m very appreciative of my mom’s example. Whenever I received one of the “thin” letters growing up, she would always say “That’s OK. There’s always next time.”  It wasn’t the end of the world and life went on.  There was no wasted time dwelling on it. In her mind, it was just one pit stop on the long trip.

 

As a parent and pageant coach, my heart goes out to the young girls who are just beside themselves because they didn’t win the crown and can’t restrain their emotions. I also feel for the parents who are standing there looking at each other after the pageant thinking “What do we do now?” Or, in an attempt to make their child feel better, they join her in the emotional indulgence and what started out to be a snowball is now a raging avalanche. Time for an INTERVENTION :).

 

Having been in this situation many times as a contestant and a parent, I want to share my experience of what does NOT make someone feel better. For four years in a row, every pageant I competed in, I placed in the top five.  The hardest place was being 1st runner up two years in a row. In an attempt to make me feel better, after the pageant, people would come up to me with mournful looks on their faces and say comments like,

• “You should have won” (Really? Why didn’t I then?), or
• “You were the best. I don’t know what those judges were thinking”, or
• “You were so close. Maybe you should have changed your___”  (Yeah, just what I wanted to hear-  the woulda, coulda, shoulda line), or
• “Are you OK?” (Just bite your tongue if you even feel yourself starting to say this)

 

As a contestant, words like this simply make the situation worse. You may be asking, “OK, what do I do or say instead?” Deal with disappointment in these three supportive steps: validate, celebrate and detach.

Validate

Don’t make an assumption about the tears you see coming from the stage at the end of the pageant.  Some girls are crying because they have made a new friend and have to say goodbye. A few have had such a positive experience, that the tears are an outward expression of appreciation for having been part of the production. Others are excited for the new queen and the tears are in celebration. There are numerous reasons for tears.

Bring something to give your contestant on stage immediately following the pageant. Buy flowers, a small gift or even a card to hand her followed with a big hug and kiss. Tell her you are proud of her. At this point, the most important thing a contestant wants to feel is special and appreciated for who she is. Take pictures and make her feel like a queen :).

If you want to know where the tears are coming from,  drop the sad face act and ask this question:

“What are you feeling?” – not “ Are you OK?”

If they say, “I’m so relieved it is over and I’m tired.”

“Great! Let’s get you out of here and celebrate” would be your response.

If the answer is something along the lines of disappointment, validate their feelings by saying:

“I know how much you looked forward to this. It’s normal to feel disappointed.”  Then listen to her. That may be all she needs.

In many situations, disappointment can be minimized greatly with the proper preparation.Before pageant day, if you are a parent, you need to talk with your child. If you are a grown adult, it can take place with your pageant coach, your significant other or yourself. There needs to be clarity as to why you are entering the pageant. It’s hard to keep the big picture in mind if you don’t know what the picture looked like to start with. So here are some questions taken from my FREE special report to talk about.

• What are you hoping to gain from this experience?
• How will entering the pageant make you a better person?
• What does the word winning mean to you?
• What would you feel if you didn’t win the crown?
• What do you think would happen if you win the crown?

 

Now obviously, a toddler or very young child is not going to be able to answer these questions. In that case, these questions are for the parents to answer. Listen to the answers you receive very carefully.

 

Celebrate

Make a date to do something immediately after the pageant to celebrate regardless of what the results are.  Plan this together before the pageant so your contestant can look forward to it even if it is as simple as getting ice cream.  (Graeter’s Black Raspberry Chocolate Chip is my personal choice…Yum) If you have something enjoyable planned, it will keep the attention moving forward instead of being stuck in the past.

 

I also want to point out something here.   If the two of you have been enjoying and celebrating along the way by making the preparation period fun, you will have positive memories to share with each other.  Some of my fondest pageant memories are of the times preparing with my pageant coach Willa.  As a pageant coach myself, it’s important to me that the time with my clients is not only educational but FUN!

 

Detach

Reflect on the lessons learned and move forward. Don’t replay events over and over in your mind; or dwell in the land of woulda, coulda, shoulda.  Everything works together in the big plan. Let it go. Remember, our children will learn by our example so live the validate, celebrate and detach in your life, and you’re children will do the same :). 

Beyond The Pageant

Whether it’s trying out for a sports team, auditioning for a performance, or interviewing for a job, there are regular situations where we put ourselves in the position of hearing the word no.

But does “no” really have to end in feeling disappointed? When I look back at some of the firm no’s I received, those no’s actually turned out to be yes blessings in disguise. Of course, the acknowledgement of the blessing almost always came with time. Now, I recognize that good will come from the no. So I allow myself to feel the emotion briefly and then detach knowing that the yes is right around the corner.

In most cases the answer looked like a no; but it was actually a “Yes, but not now.”  I won the title of Mrs. Ohio America my 5th time in the pageant.  It was a timing issue, not a no.

A more drastic example from my life is when I auditioned for Up With People when I was 17. When I received my letter stating I was not accepted at that time, I could have taken that as a negative no and never applied again.

However, the next year, I reapplied and this time was accepted. Had I been accepted the first time around, this South Dakota farm girl would have never met the boy from Tennessee.  I would not have my husband of 20 years nor the three daughters that mean the world to me.

Sometimes no is only yes in a different package.

 

About Rhonda

Rhonda Shappert is a pageant expert, personal development life coach, and owner of Winning Through Pageantry™, a business she created that not only helps her clients achieve winning results in pageants, but helps them Succeed From The Inside Out™ in their lives. In the pageant world she has held multiple local, state and national titles. Rhonda graduated Cum Laude with a Bachelors degree in Musical Theater from The Ohio State University and has performed on stage in 15 countries on the Asian, European and American continents. This mother of three who has been married 20 years to her husband Stephen, home educates their children, is the former mayor of her community, and is on the Board of Trustees for the Ohio Virtual Academy. She and her husband perform original contemporary Christian music. Their music CD entitled Cana is available through www.cdbaby.com/cd/shappert or on her website. For more information on Rhonda, visit www.WinningThroughPageantry.com.

Technorati Tags: Calming Your Nerves in 1,2,3

“And in no particular order, the first top ten semi-finalist for the national title of Ms. American Woman is…(drum roll)”

I can feel and hear every beat of my heart. My upper lip starts to quiver uncontrollably. Light headed and dizzy, I break out in a sweat and wonder if I’m going to faint.  Please call my name…let it be me…

 

“Suzie Smith, Ms. New York.”

Oh man… Ok… there is still hope. Maybe I’ll be next. Applause for Ms. NY.

“Next is… (drum roll)  Rhonda…”

OMG, it’s me… it’s me!

“…JONES, Ms. California”

Not me… (sigh)… it’s the other Rhonda in the pageant. I’m dying here.This is going to kill me…Yup, going to keel over right here in my evening gown. Why do I put myself through this time and time again…Applause for Ms. California.

“Welcome…(drum roll) Rhonda Shappert, Ms. Ohio”

Wait…was that my name.. yes…this time he really said my name. Whooo Hooo!

The rush of adrenaline that hits my body at that moment is overwhelming. I’m on a high. I made it! I really made the cut!  As the night progresses, the top ten goes through the onstage interview, swimsuit and evening gown competitions until it’s time for the next cut. The top five.

Here we go again…OK…relax Rhonda…relax….

“Our first top five finalist is Rhonda…”

Wait for the full announcement this time, Rhonda…which Rhonda is it…

“Shappert Ms. Ohio”

 

Again, a feeling of relief and excitement come over me.  Now the fish bowl question. Ok, (sigh) I survived that…The second runner up is ….. Not me…Ok, I’m still in the running…the first runner up is…Not me again…OH BOY :). There the three of us stand… waiting…one name to be called…waiting…

“Our new Ms. American Woman is…(drum roll) Rhonda Jones!

The other contestant grabs me and says, “CONGRATULATIONS!” I say “thanks, but it’s the OTHER Rhonda.”  A huge sinking feeling comes over me, much like a deflating balloon.

TRUE STORY. I was the third runner up that year and this is one of my many pageant stories that illustrates the thrill of winning and the agony of defeat. As nerve racking as it is to be an audience member, it isn’t the same emotional rollercoaster ride a contestant feels.

I must say, mastery over my nerves has been one of the greatest life skills I have acquired through pageantry and today I’m going to share my 1,2,3 technique with you:).

1. Breathe In , Out and Think  or 1, 2, 3

2. Take one second to breathe deeply from your diaphragm- a muscle below your lungs and rib cage. When you deep breathe, your shoulders should not move at all. Think of filling you stomach with air. As you breathe in, say these three words in your head “ breathe in hold”. On the exhale say “and out two”.  Besides releasing stress, deep diaphragmatic breathing helps to temporarily eliminate that queasy feeling in your stomach-or the butterflies.

3. The third part is to think a very specific thought. If you think in pictures, I want you to picture in your mind a person, place or thing that instantly makes you feel joy, relaxed or confident. Or choose a  favorite memory of yours and play it back in your mind. If you connect with music, pick a song that generates the feeling you want. Or perhaps it’s a word or phrase. You see, a thought will create a feeling and a feeling will lead to an action.

4. If you don’t like the feelings you’re having, change your thought. The more relaxed you are, the more confidence you will have and your actions will reflect that. I’m not saying it’s possible to totally eliminate the nerves, but to let nerves totally paralyze you can be prevented. Yes, it really is that simple.  Practice this technique until it becomes easy so when you need it, it’s a habit.

5. Also, the more prepared you are for a situation, there’s less for you to be nervous about.  If you’re nervous about interview, request my FREE interview card to get you started.  These are the beginning 10 questions every person must know to be prepared for an interview.  Regularly check the upcoming events column on my web site to see when local workshops will be held. The more practice you have on a stage walking and speaking, I promise you won’t be as nervous when it comes pageant time.

Beyond the Pageant

Nerves can get the best of you in any situation. It’s normal and it happens to everyone at some point in their life.  We’re nervous over a job interview, waiting for news from the doctor’s office, a conversation with someone that has the potential of being confrontational and the list goes on of situations that can send us into  panic attacks.

It all comes down to your thoughts. By becoming more aware of your thoughts, you can begin to feel the feelings that will drive your actions to where you want to go.  It’s as simple as 1,2,3.

What do you do to help calm your nerves? I’d love to hear your comments in the comments box below or email me at Rhonda@WinningThroughPageantry.com.

 

About Rhonda

Rhonda Shappert is a pageant coach expert, personal development life coach, and owner of Winning Through Pageantry™, a business she created that not only helps her clients achieve winning results in pageants, but helps them Succeed From The Inside Out™ in their lives. In the pageant world she has held multiple local, state and national titles. Rhonda graduated Cum Laude with a Bachelors degree in Musical Theater from The Ohio State University and has performed on stage in 15 countries on the Asian, European and American continents. This mother of three, who has been married 20 years to her husband Stephen, is the former mayor of her community, and is on the Board of Trustees for the Ohio Virtual Academy. She and her husband perform original contemporary Christian music. Their music CD entitled Cana is available through www.cdbaby.com/cd/shappert or on her website. For more information on Rhonda, visit www.WinningThroughPageantry.com.

One of my favorite movies is The Sound of Music.  I just love the scene where Maria (Julie Andrews) asks the children to sing along with her, and their response is that they don’t know how to sing. Shocked at the very thought that anyone couldn’t do such a basic skill she “starts at the very beginning” and teaches the children the simple abc’s of music. Maria explains that these simple steps are the tools upon which all songs are built.

“When you know the notes to sing, you can sing most anything”. Within minutes, the children are singing beautiful songs with complicated rhythms and harmonies. But they had to master the basics first.

Pageantry is no different but it will take longer than a 3 minute song :).  For the most part, you can’t just grab a dress out of your closet, arrive at the pageant and expect to have a winning experience. There are basic steps that need to be addressed first before you move on to the more complicated areas.

So let’s start at the beginning with the A,B,Cs of what to do when you have made the decision to enter a pageant.

 

A -  Acquire Knowledge

There are two main areas where you’ll want to spend your time educating yourself.

• Knowledge about yourself at a deeper level
• Knowledge of the pageant system you have chosen to participate in

 

Self knowledge is the foundation for your on-stage introduction, personal interview and platform development. It’s critical to know WHY you are doing what you’re doing. To know why you do what you do means you need to know what you value in your life. And it’s not just enough to have a list of values. Your power comes from a prioritized list of values and knowing what means the most to you. This can take some time so allow plenty of time for this exploration.

 

Learning as much as you can about the pageant system you’re competing in will greatly increase your chances of obtaining your desired results. What are the areas of competition? How are they scored? What is the look for this particular pageant? What is expected of the winner?  These are just a sample of some of the questions you need to find answers to in order to feel properly prepared.

 

B -  Build a Plan

There are detailed logistics involved in preparing for a pageant and I cover these areas in my free special report 10 Insider Secrets to Winning.  The most important question you need to ask yourself is how much time and money are you willing to invest in this endeavor?  Once you quantify both the time and money you have, get to work and create a detailed plan of how to reach your goal.

C - Create a Team

The way you can keep yourself on task and prevent procrastination is to create your own dream team to help you in the areas where you need assistance.  They will keep you accountable to what you say you’re going to do. Let me ask you a question, which scenario are you more likely to follow through with an action.

• You verbally tell someone else what you’re planning to do, knowing that each time you see them, they’ll ask you for an update, or
• You keep your plans to yourself depending in your level of self discipline to make it happen.

 

Plus it’s more fun to celebrate with a group of people when you achieve your goal, and they can be your biggest cheerleaders when you encounter challenges.

This is where you benefit from working with a pageant coach.  A qualified coach can work with you to evaluate what your needs are, help you find professional services that you need and keep you on track. To receive the greatest benefits from your coaching experience, it’s very important you feel comfortable and connected with your coach.

I‘ll  be covering this topic in greater depth in my upcoming teleclass “What’s Your Focus?”  For more information, you can go to my website at www.WinningThroughPageantry.com or click here to  Register for the Class!  There will be plenty of time for Q&A so register now and come with all your questions.

 

Beyond The Pageant

The above ABC’s of pageantry are the very same steps to use when starting any new project in your life. Ask yourself the 5 following questions to get you started.

• What do I want from this situation?
• How would I benefit from the results of this activity?
• How am I going to make this happen?
• What is standing in my way?
• Who can help me achieve what I want?

 

About Rhonda

Rhonda Shappert is a pageant coach expert, personal development life coach, and owner of Winning Through Pageantry™, a business she created that not only helps her clients achieve winning results in pageants, but helps them Succeed From The Inside Out™ in their lives. In the pageant world she has held multiple local, state and national titles. Rhonda graduated Cum Laude with a Bachelors degree in Musical Theater from The Ohio State University and has performed on stage in 15 countries on the Asian, European and American continents. This mother of three, who has been married 20 years to her husband Stephen, is the former mayor of her community, and is on the Board of Trustees for the Ohio Virtual Academy. She and her husband perform original contemporary Christian music. Their music CD entitled Cana is available through www.cdbaby.com/cd/shappert or on her website. For more information on Rhonda, visit www.WinningThroughPageantry.com.